Mary Sue In A Nutshell
by Neko-Kikiru
Summary: What if you can fit all the brains of a Mary Sue into a peanut shell and still have room for the peanut? Forgive me, Bakura!
1. Meet the Horror

Yessirree. I've been wanting to do one of these for a long time and now I am. W zerozero t!

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Yu-Gi-oh! Because if I did, I would be rich and not typing this now. I would hire someone to type it for me.

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Once upon a time, in a land far far away, as far away as Egypt is, there was this really swell person named Marisu Aimahor. Say that out loud, not too loud though, or the people around you would give you weird stares.

She suffered a lot in her life. She's watched her family being brutally murdered, even more brutally than Bakura's, not once, but twice! I don't know how someone can be murdered twice but it's best explained as another Sharpie-sniffing induced incident.

Marisu was the best thief/princess/ninja/Shinigami/witch/air force pilot in her family, especially now that she's the only one left. That meant she was also the greatest thief/princess/ninja/Shinigami/witch/air force pilot in the history of Ancient Egypt since her family was pwnage to everyone else.

The murder of her family should have left her scarred for life with mental disabilities. She should have turned into a clinically insane person (A/N: No offense to anyone but her) who does nothing but collect bread and butter and spends her whole life trying to stick butter in the toaster and spread bread on it.

But instead she's just fine and dandy, thank you very much.

In addition to being all that Marisu was also a great beauty. Really. She had long, smooth as silk, soft as a feather, lovely as crap hair in the eye-burning color of neon green with invisible infrared highlights. Her waist was so small because she knows the workings of an electrical staple gun and drill, IN ANCIENT EGYPT.

Her eyes were her most gorgeous feature. They were in a shapphiregoldbloodredoceanbluepitchblackemeraldamtheystpinkquartzdiamond color that together looks like shit brown. In fact, Marisu's eyes were so beautifully enchanting; she can charm a man with a single look. Who doesn't want to stare lustfully into shit brown eyes all day?

Marisu only has one thing to remember her double-murdered family by. After they were killed for the second time, she got hold of the family heirloom, the Magically Magical Sword of Magic and Magicism. How did she inherit this if her family is pushing up daisies six (x2) feet under? Oh, she just broke into the family temple-a-majiggy and swiped it.

Her thievery is rival to none across the land. She can easily rob any tombs or pyramids. She has a secret way of getting past guards. Either she plays prostitute and seduce them or she uses her Magically Magical Sword of Magic and Magicism. Marisu doesn't use that sword to fight. With one delicate swish of the sword, set the guards' balls on fire. See? Rival to none.

Right now she is looking to kill the pharaoh. Why? She wants revenge on the Pharaoh (le gasp! 11111one) because apparently, he sent guards to massacre Marisu's family because her brother was caught peeing on the side of the pyramid.

If she was so strong, she could have just killed those guards right there and saved her family but then that would destroy the story! Whatever crap of a story that is really there anyway.

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Join us next time when Bakura is sent hurtling 5,000 miles an hour into a Mary Sue story.

Bakura: YOU BITCH!!

NK: I know you are, but what am I?

Bakura: A bitch.

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Sorry it's so damn short. Reviews please! Should I make this into a 2-chapter story or should I try to make it into a 123,456,789-chapter story? 


	2. Beating the Bush

Second chapter, YAY!! I got a nice sum of reviews and I thank everybody who did review. So here's the second chapter! Not quite yet, I must respond to reviews, for it is my DUTY!

**Disclaimer**: Once again, I don't own the Heavenly Yu-Gi-Oh! I will never own Mary Sues, Barney or George Bush. I don't think I want to.

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**Catch23**: Thanks; yes you make yourself very clear, crystal clear, glass clear, clear as clear clear. Okay I think I made myself clear. 

**Rannaty**: Actually you're the first person to ever quote anything I've ever written. I feel blessed, thank you!

**SeleneXAngel**: And thank you for not just ignoring it!

**Kikoken**: Thanks, and I'll be sure to trying to make more.

**Yami-Echo**: Sorry, I don't think I can do 123,456,789 chapters, but how does around 15 sound to you? On my behalf, I apologize to all those who expected a 123,456,789 chapter story.

**Rubber-Duckling**: I don't think I can, man. By the time I get there, Yu-Gi-Oh! would be in hieroglyphics, and I don't mean the pharaoh.

**FiannaChaosGal**: I'm happy this story is making someone laugh! 

**Sour Schuyler**: I'm a BIG fan of your Bakura diary story. Thank you so much for noticing my own Bakura story. I love you!

**Unolai**: I'm sorry for your trouble. Regrettably, there is no refund. Bite me. I would like to apologize again for any person who felt embarrassment, anger, and awkwardness due to this story.

**Sakuuya Melodie**: Believe me, I love Bakura. I love him with all my heart. But I felt Bakura would fit best into this story and I truly regret all the things he's going to go through. But he's Bakura, so he'll pull through or die trying (NOOO!). Anyway, Mary Sues love to bash canon female characters, so the bashing isn't far away.

Love YA'LLS!

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In the dead of night, Marisu was preparing to strike again. She was a princess, so she was filthy sticking rich no matter what. Yet she was a thief, so she got even more of any she wanted. But she was NEVER EVER EVERDY EVER selfish, so she was an angel. Looks like someone stuck their head into the blender again. 

Marisu walked casually up to the tall pyramid in the dark. By using her "huff and puff and blow the stone down" power. Inside the halls were lightly lit with torches. Someone didn't think that lighting fire inside a tomb and sealing it up for thousands of years would eventually cause the tomb to be incinerated into ashes.

She hurried through the halls, and into all the chambers. Neatly swiping everything in sight, she hurried out the back of the tomb. As she was jumping into the night sky, she collided into the something.

Marisu landed daintily on the sand while the other figure flopped lifelessly onto the ground. The person gagged, twitched, then got up and started bawling his eyes out.

The man had luscious silver hair, beautiful tan skin, an ass-ugly scar on his face and other shit. Like we don't know who he is because there is a giant stamp "BAKURA" on his buttocks.

"What the hell?!" screamed Bakura staring at his rear end.

"Excuse me," said Marisu. "But who are you?"

"No, who are YOU?" hissed Bakura. "I can't see your face over your giant 100ZZ sized," he stared uncomfortably at her chest, "thingies."

"Ohayo, watashi wa Marisu", she said formally and politely. "Watashi-"

"Wait, wait, wait. Hold the frickin' goddamn nonexistent phone," Bakura yelled. "This is Egypt, bitch. I speak EGYPTIAN. For all I know, you just said that you are made of manure and you made the pharaoh." He winced. "That is sick."

"I hate you!" screamed Marisu in an angsty fashion. "You know NOTHING about me!!"

"Yeah, that's 'cuz I just met you."

FIGHT SCENE (Final Fantasy music)

"How the hell did we get here?!" screamed Bakura.

Marisu screamed and her ka exploded from her body. I heard about this priest who tried to do the same thing but got his body imploded and he became a black hole. We know this as the George Bush's Brains™. But yet again, Marisu is a-okay and still as beautiful as ever.

The ka had all three Egyptian Gods merged as one. Also there was Inuyasha's Tetsuiaga, Naruto's Rasengan and Peter Griffin's fart power inside. Damn, that's strong.

So after a long and useless fight scene (The readers are about to drink liquid TNT, jump off a building and land in a car crusher), Marisu's ultimately whoops Bakura's ass to America and back. Literally. So she leaves Bakura looking like Barney the Purpley-Bruised Dinosaur™ bleeding on the ground. Suddenly after mercilessly and ruthlessly beating Bakura to death, Hell and Davy Jone's Underwear Drawer, she feels pity for him and takes him to her underground leprechaun hut.

Readers: This is the biggest bunch of bull!

Mary Sue: flmerz r leik so bitchy, bash flmerz1111

That's enough.

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Sorry this chapter might not have been up to expectations. I'm so sorry; all my good ideas are saved for later chapters. So sorry! 


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